#73: The Year of Tong!

2012-01-21T21:58:00.000-08:00

You may have noticed the candor of my posts had fallen into a pit of despair for a little bit. Most notably the month of December. I want to assure you all that I am back full force. Why?! Because 2012 is kicking ass & taking numbers!

Let's recap. Three Problems.

1. Dad.

Self-Explanatory. But for those of you who don't know, and have no intention of reading the back story of this blog, my papa passed away April 25, 2011 & the remainder of the year was an uphill battle.

2. Not Knowing Where I Fit In.

I hadn't figured out where I fit in as a writer, where I was going, and how I was going to get there. I was floating, hoping that one day someone would just give me my dream job so I wouldn't have to do the scary part - work, and sell myself.

3. Change.

I got used to having things be a certain way - to having certain routines, to having certain friends, and to feeling a certain way when I had those things. And when things were no longer predictable, and I could no longer count on my routines and some people to be there to help me feel like I was "normal", I felt hurt and, most of all, lost.

Here's My New Hope

It's only been 21 days, but I have had the most fantastic 21 days doing exactly what I love: making people laugh, having fun with my favourite people in the world, & managing to meet and reconnect with some amazing people. My analysis is that the holiday season was extremely difficult. I didn't even know how terrible I was feeling until I sobbed on my best friend for 2 hours at my own Christmas party about how much I missed my dad. It was the first time I ever told anyone how I actually felt...imagine! Eight months of never telling anyone how you were actually feeling. But ever since that night, I started to feel more in control, because I wasn't lying to myself or anyone else; I could own my grief, and ironically, it made me less sad, and more able to connect to people in a meaningful way. I started to accept that things weren't always going to be great, and the people in my life weren't always going to be around, but at least I can enjoy them now, and remember them fondly later.

That realization opened me up to all sorts of possibilities. The morning after the climax of my quarter life crisis, I had perhaps one of the best ideas I've ever had: to grow up (seriously), and do it the only way I know how - blogging, vlogging, and attempting to make people laugh. I started House Training Homegirl (HTH) that night when I got home and it's turning into a labour of of love.

The new "side-blog" is actually turning into my "main blog", or at least has the potential to take over all that I've accomplished here. I'm simultaneously writing a graphic novel, creating a web series and YouTube presence, and of course pursuing my career as a television writer. When I started this blog I didn't have a clue as to what I was going to do to forge a career in the writing world. All I had was my ability to write, and the potential to get better at it as the years went on. I didn't choose a genre, I hadn't chosen a style, and I didn't know who I was. But the great part about practice, trial and a lot of errors is that once in a while you'll get things right. The seeds were planted for a while, and it's only now that I've realized how much I love what I'm doing and what I know I can accomplish, and that beats the hell out of sitting at a desk doing something else I know I'll hate, but do out of the sheer sense of responsibility.

Growing up has been something I've been dreading for a long time, but I'm finally ready to do it because I realized I can do it my own way. I've always been concerned about meeting other people's expectations about being an adult - finding a proper job, conducting myself a certain way, and playing things safe. I can totally see the value in all of these things, and it really would be great for anyone to pursue these things. But the way I am going to grow up is doing exactly what I love doing: laughing, and making other people laugh (hopefully with me, and not at me).

So, HTH is about my growing up into a "lady", but my own version of a lady, which is perhaps not very lady-like at all, but at least I'm trying! It's about becoming responsible and having faith in the future. It's about exploring womanhood & adulthood through the whimsical eyes of an unrealistic tomboy, and watching her failures and triumphs. Mostly, it's just about laughing though, and making the "serious" stuff in life light-hearted and entertaining. How else are you going to keep hope alive?

Extras:

For all of you who made it to the end of this lengthy post, here are some screen shots of my upcoming YouTube video on OREOS! which will be posted on Thursday, January 26th, 2012 on my YouTube Channel! I urge you to be a pal and SHARE, COMMENT, & LIKE to your hearts content, because it would give me great satisfaction, and give me an idea of the kinds of things you'd like to see more of, and what things you want to see less of. Also, you would be part of making me a YouTube sensation, and common...that would be awesome.

TEXTUALLY CHALLENGED

#73: The Year of Tong!